WRECKING BALL: Happy Children

While it would never be my intention to get the Seabury Faculty’s hopes up, the title of this article is intentionally deceiving. The real topic may come as a pleasant surprise for some readers: Halloween. 

The idea of a holiday like Halloween may appeal greatly to children who have not yet fully gained human consciousness, but the temporary charm of the holiday starts and ends at their Pavlovian response to the word “candy.” Sadly, the gaudy aesthetics surrounding Halloween are all trick and not much treat.

Consider this shining example of responsible parenting without context: “Hurry up, kids! Go ask those strangers for candy?” What other occasion would excuse this? After the “Stranger Danger” panic of the 80’s, one would think we’ve evolved past this behavior.

Additionally, the unhealthy pressure to dress up for school Halloween functions, especially for younger children, inevitably leads to phoned-in, last-minute costumes, late-night trips to Spirit Halloween and terrible pun costumes rewarded not even by a pity laugh (all of which are sins I may or may not have been guilty of in middle school).

If you, reader, are wondering whether or not any of your precious concern should be spent on anything Halloween-related on the 31st, look no further than the Anchor score it has received. I suggest the most you do is stay in and watch a movie, humor the children in your neighborhood that will inevitably ring your doorbell until past midnight, and save your energy for the two far-superior holidays in the coming months.

There are not many redeeming qualities to Halloween, but because the price of candy the day afterwards drops to one half, I will reward the holiday one half of an anchor.