Horoscopes Issue 2 (10/2/2019)

October 2, 2019

Aries: Aaaaaaah! Rand Paul is chasing me! His hands are the size of BOILERPLATES! His heelies are TOO FAST for me to outrun!   Taurus: If you throw out bacon grease with the cat litter, your FBI agent will put you on t...

Horoscopes Issue 1 (9/12/2019)

September 13, 2019

Aries: First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the chronic multifocal osteomyelitis.   Taurus: Imagine this: Father Rob plays “Teach Me How to Dougie” after chapel and hits The Dougie as you w...