Aquarius: Tomorrow, find solace in the fact that although you and your toes have been unduly separated, the appendages will add delightfully to the stew that Mr. Neuteboom is making in the Seabury basement.
Pisces: ...
Aries: Aaaaaaah! Rand Paul is chasing me! His hands are the size of BOILERPLATES! His heelies are TOO FAST for me to outrun!
Taurus: If you throw out bacon grease with the cat litter, your FBI agent will put you on t...
Aries: First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the chronic multifocal osteomyelitis.
Taurus: Imagine this: Father Rob plays “Teach Me How to Dougie” after chapel and hits The Dougie as you w...