Review: Valentine’s Day Candy

Ah, Valentine’s Day–the day where some embrace SO’s and others release a deep, collective sigh of loneliness. But let’s talk about everyone’s favorite part: the candy!

From little candied hearts to big chocolate bears to those flavorless white sticks that dip into mysterious, brightly-colored powder that only clings to the aforementioned sticks via a deposit of the user’s saliva–the sheer quantity and diversity of Valentine’s Day candy rivals Halloween.

Luckily, there is one universal agreement, that being a mutual hatred for those bitter, rock-hard little heart candies that taste like playground chalk and are all topped with a cloying “XOXO” or “Be Mine.” If those come to mind when you think of Valentine’s Day, I can understand the negative feelings. And, if they happen to be your favorite Valentine’s Day treat, I would kindly suggest seeking professional guidance.

There is also certainly debate over the nature of the holiday’s commodities. One may claim, “Valentine’s Day is just a capitalist construct designed to manipulate the American public to sell candy and Hallmark cards,” to which one may respond, “Yeah, probably, but capitalism has infiltrated most American holidays at this point, so isn’t it a lot more fun to just not think about it?” I fall closer in line with the latter school of thought.

But, most of all, the silly candy and cards are the fun of Valentine’s, which is only really preserved in elementary school memories of exchanging them. That specific point in my life was when the holiday was perfect–I wasn’t old enough to have my mind on romantic interests, but I was just the right age to appreciate the journey of finding out how many tootsie pops I could eat until I exploded.