Monday, November 27th, 2023.
A day that will go down in history. Not because it was the date of birth of the guitar player credited with pioneering modern guitar technique as we know it today, Jimi Hendrix; and not even because it was the day that the ‘Nobel Prize’ as an establishment was created by the once warlord-turned-international philanthropist Alfred Bernhard Nobel. No. This day will go down in history as the day a brutal affront was committed against the senior class. A noble act turned sinister, on par in cunning as the CIA’s numerous elaborate attempts to assassinate the infamous communist dictator Fidel Castro. Exploding Cigars, ornate seashell armaments, hypodermic pen toxicology or psychedelic bio-terrorism hold no candle to this offense (all real things the CIA tried to do to Fidel Castro).
The blimey descriptions of such a foul drink are nearly too graphic to be described in a generally palatable issue of the Seabury Chronicle, but I will describe it anyway. “It tasted like soap,” surely referencing the common acronym in patient assessment that stands for “Subject, Objective, Assessment, and Plan.” This subtle reference is certainly representative of the days they had to spend in the hospital recovering from their foodborne murder attempt.
“It tasted just like blood,” said one sufferer of the Hot ‘Chocolate.’ We can be sure that this was a result of their stomach lining being dissolved by this dreadful toxicant, and the stomach acid eating away at their flesh, resulting in internal bleeding.
I appreciated the gesture though: two out of five anchors.
