BREAKING NEWS: Faculty member Michael Pulsinelli received an exciting update last night: the New York Yankees of Major League Baseball (MLB) have drafted him and signed him to a minor league contract.
The Chronicle immediately contacted the Yankees organization and obtained a copy of his scouting report. An excerpt reads: “Pulsinelli is renowned for his excellent endurance; after all, if you teach high schoolers, you’re bound to get some points in that department. At 5 ‘4,” his likely best fit in the field is at SHORTstop.”
When asked how he felt about the signing, Pulsinelli excitedly commented, “I’m so ready for this! I’m planning to hang out with Alan in New York––it’ll be just like the good old high school days!” We are all a little concerned to hear this, but I guess we’ll just hope that no one ends up in jail.
Other faculty members have also expressed immense excitement about the signing. Faculty member Brian Rios said, “This is going to be great! I’m going to make an announcement at morning meeting about it … or two … or three.” The Chronicle’s interviewer left before he could get to ten.
