Following Bishop Seabury Academy’s high school boys’ basketball team’s substate championship, Head of School Don Schawang has begun demonstrating an increased interest in the sport of basketball and its role at the school.
It all began when Schawang excused students who had traveled the four and a half hours to the state quarter-final game in Colby, Kansas from their first block of classes the following morning––a peculiar decision considering the headmaster’s dedication to academics.
The school’s rental of a charter bus to take students to and from the state tournament was a direct result of Schawang’s initial attempts to rent a private jet charter for the occasion. The scheme only came to a screeching halt when faculty member Ellen Chindamo caught Schawang about to make the purchase on the BSAP credit card, snickering with malicious intent.
At the peak of his plotting, Schawang was spotted before the semi-final game of the tournament, drenched in blue and green face paint, pleading with Coach Tre to “just put me in, Coach!” When denied his baller-breakthrough, it is rumored that Schawang was seen buttering up the soles of senior Aidan Page’s court shoes in efforts to sabotage his way into a spot on the team. Schawang has denied all claims.
Following the incident, Schawang declared himself eligible for the 2024 NBA draft and has been spotted shooting hoops in the gym into the early hours of the morning by known Seabury loiterer Jame LaRocca. It’s hard not to ask the question: when will he, and can he, be stopped?
