Year after year, Seaburyians turn Seabury-no-morians. They go to a place to further their education and start the next chapter of their lives—or so we’re told. According to College Counselor Matt Patterson, each of his former students is thriving in the home that, coincidentally, he helped pick…
It’s always such a bittersweet time when our beloved seniors go off on their adventures. The fact of the matter is it’s not bittersweet at all. It’s just bitter. Come August, the Seabury faculty claim that the graduating class loves their new schools. However, if that’s the case, why do we see so many alumni making appearances at Seabury? Is it because they are in town and want to say ‘hi’? Or because they miss civilization and safety? What if the meaning of “college” has been misunderstood? College? More like C.O.L.L.E.G.E.: Cruel Obscene Lethal Ladies Evilly Gauging Earthlings. There’s no such thing as a higher education or life after high school. We’re raised to be fed to these evil creatures in exchange for keeping the human race safe.
That’s the knowledge of college. That’s what Matt Patterson’s been keeping from us.
