The PSAT practice exam for eighth and ninth graders took place this morning, but what really happened behind the closed doors of Reese Hall was beyond anyone’s imagination.
According to one survivor, anonymous for fear of faculty member and SAT expert Matt Patterson’s revenge, after the students were seated at the desks, the lights went off with the windows covered to block out the sunlight. The exam invigilator pulled out a phone and started to play “The Duck Song” out loud, and soon everyone fell asleep to it. “After who knows how long, the emptiness of my stomach woke me up,” said the survivor. “You can’t blame me because I overslept this morning and had to skip breakfast to get to school.” They continued to explain that the invigilator was reading something to the whole unconscious class, and they immediately realized that it was the answer key.
After some inquiries, the journalism staff believes this secret art is hypnopaedia, and Patterson uses it to improve students’ scores to make Seabury the best private school in Kansas. However, no one can be sure because the baleful tune of “The Duck Song” was mesmerizing.
