The loss of a loved one is a sad and overwhelming time in a person’s life. Everyone compensates with loss differently, and feelings are often involuntary. That said, more complication arrives when the person you are grieving made a negative impact on your life. You may feel guilty for not feeling the “correct” things, or try to make yourself feel things that you do not feel. This is where the mourning process gets difficult.
Every loss is different, and when someone who has hurt you dies, it is important to identify what exactly your feelings are. Whether it is sadness or even a strange relief, identifying what you feel can be an important step in how you deal with this death. When a person knows what they feel, it can be easier to overcome these feelings. A loss may feel like a change in everything for a person, even a new way of seeing things. It is important to let someone who is grieving have a shoulder to lean on, no matter who they are grieving for and how they are compensating.
The truth is that only grieving people who made good impacts in life ignores the impact that bad people have had on your life. Grief is described as “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.” In my opinion grief is this and more, it is the process of acknowledging the dead, and coming to a new normal in your life. This may include sorrow, but it is more complicated and can also invoke a guilty feeling of relief. Grief doesn’t necessarily require you to miss a person, just to acknowledge the impact that their loss has put on you. This said, it is important to treat any death with respect, as a token of compassion and as a payment to them and their families.
Though there is often a societal taboo on speaking badly of the dead, it is important to acknowledge your truth, and while there is some truth to the fact that you should not go dancing on someone’s grave, it is important to have someone to confide in during complicated times. In a society where death is marked as something to be respected, it can feel hard to express negative thoughts. As long as presented in a respectful manner, one should be able to express the hard truths that grief has led them to face.
