Aries: Aaaaaaah! Rand Paul is chasing me! His hands are the size of BOILERPLATES! His heelies are TOO FAST for me to outrun!

Taurus: If you throw out bacon grease with the cat litter, your FBI agent will put you on the domestic terrorism watchlist.

Gemini: Some say that Seabury has non-selective admissions. This is not true, however. The gingerbread man has had his application denied thrice.

Cancer: Funky Student: “You just killed my vibe! That’s wiggity-wack, yo!”

Leo: DO NOT wear a sombrero made out of chips and salsa like at the party of the bad guy in Despicable Me 2. 

Virgo: DO dress like Bling Bling Boy next dress down day.

Libra: What if they built prisons out of cheese/And the only thing they kept inside/was forty thousand bees

Scorpio: What if there was a band composed only of rocking chairs. Man, would that band rock. 

Sagittarius: If you help Mr. LaRocca grade papers, he’ll convince all the math teachers to give you an A++++++++++++++++. False: He will Trap You In A Tower Until Your Hair is Twenty Five Feet Long.

Capricorn: “My toes are very numb, but it is ninety degrees. Do I have a medical condition that needs to be addressed? No. Medicine is the devil’s work.” – John Steinbeck

Aquarius: What’s blue and not very heavy? LIGHT BLUE ba dum shhhh do be dee doop scha wangggg debbety doop sha wop bedoom.

Pisces: “I’m bathing in dogs and bicycles” – Bob Dylan, while bathing in dogs and bicycles.

Aries: Aaaaaaah! Rand Paul is chasing me! His hands are the size of BOILERPLATES! His heelies are TOO FAST for me to outrun!

Taurus: If you throw out bacon grease with the cat litter, your FBI agent will put you on the domestic terrorism watchlist.

Gemini: Some say that Seabury has non-selective admissions. This is not true, however. The gingerbread man has had his application denied thrice.

Cancer: Funky Student: “You just killed my vibe! That’s wiggity-wack, yo!”

Leo: DO NOT wear a sombrero made out of chips and salsa like at the party of the bad guy in Despicable Me 2. 

Virgo: DO dress like Bling Bling Boy next dress down day.

Libra: What if they built prisons out of cheese/And the only thing they kept inside/was forty thousand bees

Scorpio: What if there was a band composed only of rocking chairs. Man, would that band rock. 

Sagittarius: If you help Mr. LaRocca grade papers, he’ll convince all the math teachers to give you an A++++++++++++++++. False: He will Trap You In A Tower Until Your Hair is Twenty Five Feet Long.

Capricorn: “My toes are very numb, but it is ninety degrees. Do I have a medical condition that needs to be addressed? No. Medicine is the devil’s work.” – John Steinbeck

Aquarius: What’s blue and not very heavy? LIGHT BLUE ba dum shhhh do be dee doop scha wangggg debbety doop sha wop bedoom.

Pisces: “I’m bathing in dogs and bicycles” – Bob Dylan, while bathing in dogs and bicycles.