Back in March 2020, the universe waited in suspense as more than 30 Seabury students frantically scampered and scrambled from Greece back to Lawrence, Kansas. All seemed secure, but in an electrifying press conference last Monday, Headmaster Don Schawang made a tearful confession. “The students are actually sorta maybe still stuck in Greece,” says Schawang. “Whoopsidaisy.” 

The students have actually been replaced by hyper-intelligent meerkats on stilts, a revelation which stupefied the school community (and the Kansas City Zoo). “I figured, since everyone’s wearing masks anyways, no one would be able to tell,” says Schawang. “Plus meerkats have superb balance. Whoopsidaisy!!” 

“Yeah, we’ve been living in the rollerblading rink under the Parthenon,” says freshman David Klimiuk. “It’s been pretty sick, actually. When I saw my doppelganger, I thought ‘wow, it’s like looking in a meer-or!’” 

Meer-Klimiuk meerly fled into his snazzy nest under the stage, shedding his stilts and impeccable blond locks along the way. “I’m a kool kat I didn’t think anyone would notice!”