Elephant Infestation Discovered in Seabury Rafters

Andrew Lang, Copy

Upon arrival back to school after a well-deserved spring break, students and faculty were puzzled as to a mysterious trumpeting coming from the ceilings of Seabury. All was fun and dandy until an ostentatious pack of elephants came crashing through the roofing of the gym. “Those damned things scratched up the floor! This is an outrage!,” says Athletic Director Brian Brios with ferocity. 

Along with the outraged faculty and staff, some students seem particularly ticked off by the turn of events. 6th grader and self-styled kingpin Charlie Maples has a particularly strong opinion: “                             ,” he says in a maniacal tone.                                          

After an exploration of the dark and damp rafters of Seabury, Maples found the root of the problem; an infestation of elephants just waiting to be released through the halls to cause utter bedlam. “I thought I’d never see an infestation that large, but boy did I think wrong,” Maples says in a tone reminiscent of a sheriff in a 1950s film.