Spotlight: Rubber Duck Man

Sage McHenry, Copy Editor

While enjoying some nice advising time on any given day these past couple of weeks, you may have noticed a hooded-villain roaming the halls periodically appearing in classrooms to squeeze a large rubber duck. This trademark act of terror produces a high-pitched squeak that wreaks havoc among any and all advisingng groups that bare witness to it. This villain is known as “Rubber Duck Man.”

In a private interview with the vigilante, their origin story was revealed. “I originally started because I wanted to annoy one specific teacher, who will also remain anonymous, but . . . I am just doing it for fun now just because I feel evil. That’s why,” says Rubber Duck Man. In regard to the signature hooded-cloak that is often spotted dashing through the halls, it is not only fashionable, but practical too. “I needed something to keep my identity a secret, so I searched through my wardrobe and found this dark cloak that makes me look ominous when I strike with my rubber duck,” they say.

Though the disguise of the cloak is foolproof, somehow the true identity of Rubber Duck Man has been revealed to a select few sources. Luckily, the villain is fully equipped to handle these outliers. “There are some who are aware of my identity. They will be dealt with. And those who are not aware, will never find out.”

Despite these minor loose ends, Rubber Duck Man is convinced that they will never be stopped. The Seabury Community was in great need of its very own villain, and now that this need has been met, it is hard to imagine ever going back. “I hope that I am able to strike every advising group. They should fear the day that I walk into their classroom and announce myself with a rubber duck in hand.”