Horoscopes Issue 6 (4/1/21)

Aquarius: Gollier’s unsolicited “960 hours left in school!” Messages are the backbone of student morale.

Pisces: Buy Leo’s NFT and then sue them for 1000 Ether. What could go wrong?

Aries: Hwash! Benchel veirdegarden hwan veir Chartel.

Taurus: In Statement, Faculty Member Laura Porter Denies Role in Suez Canal Obstruction.

Gemini: Did you know that www.zillow.com is actually an alternate universe? I didn’t!

Cancer: Sell your belongings and become impoverished; hoard your belongings and be bestowed with the milk water bottle

Leo: Make an NFT of the Seabury logo and sell it for 1000 Ether. Then don’t pay royalties. You’ll be perfectly fine!

Virgo: School resumes August 31. Resistance is futile. You *will* be educated.

Libra: Appease the giant squid in the Seabury pond with a SICK rendition of “Violin Concerto in G Minor no. 2 Op. 3579” by Smashing Pumpkins

Scorpio: One time, I dived into “cinnamon applesauce.” Turned out, it was photoshopped. I got a mouthful of Shredded Cheese and Silly String. Who knew! Bon appetit! вкусна храна!

Sagittarius: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

Capricorn: don’t be capricious, be suspicious, like Russian War Boat 504


вкусна храна