In elementary school, most kids are taught to do things for others that do not always benefit them. As you get older, this mindset is still taught, likely leading to kids’ becoming compassionate and caring. However, this can also lead to the act of constantly putting others before yourself, which can affect your mental health. When it comes to your well-being and happiness, balance is very important.
In Shel Silverstein’s children’s book, “The Giving Tree,” a theme that is shown throughout is how true happiness requires balance. Similarly, although much more intense, in “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins, the main character volunteers herself in order to save her sister, leading to a lifetime of trauma and horrors. Both books show how selflessness without balance can be harmful, and although putting others before yourself is meaningful, it should not be at the expense of your own happiness.
This is something that I, and many others may struggle with because of having a people-pleasing mentality, meaning prioritizing other’s needs over your own. This pattern could occur from fear of rejection, leading to anxiety when disappointing others. Often, it causes self-neglect and feeling unfulfilled.
I know that it is very important to do things for other people even if it does not benefit you in any way. Doing things for others is shown to improve happiness, build connections and give a sense of purpose. It is a very important lesson to learn that sometimes you have to do things that do not benefit you but will help another person, which teaches you to have compassion for others. However, I also understand that it can take a toll on someone, which is why it is important to have a balance between helping and doing too much for other people.
This can become the case when you are constantly doing something for someone else, but they are not even trying to return that favor, especially when you ask them to do something for you and they do not, which can be very tiring.
It is very important to take care of yourself and make sure you surround yourself with people that appreciate your help, and even if they cannot return the favor, they at least understand where you are coming from and why it might hurt you.
In second grade, I remember reading the novel “Wonder” by R.J. Palacio and admiring Auggie’s family members for not only caring for Auggie, but making sure they themselves are also taken care of and their needs are known. This leads to happiness and healthier relationships between the family members. This book is a great example of how you should be balancing responsibility in a way that does not affect your happiness.
Now, if you are wondering how to go about balancing these responsibilities, the best way is to figure out what works for you and how much energy you can put into other people before it gets drained. If you find yourself getting annoyed at how someone is reacting to your actions, make sure you tell them that it bothers you so they at least know they can work on it. However, you cannot control if they actually make an effort to change, which can be frustrating, but it also teaches you how you can only control what you do.
A big step towards this is cutting people that take and take from you off. I know this can be very hard to do, especially if they have been in your life for so long, but as someone who has had to do this more than one time, it is very freeing to not surround myself with that energy anymore.
Overall, the most important thing is to prioritize your mental health, so not only are you still happy, but you enjoy the balance of putting effort into someone who also appreciates you in return.
