Question: Dear Mia,
I am very nervous and hate public speaking. I can never feel confident enough to speak my mind during class discussions. What should I do?
Answer: That is a great question, and I have three pieces of advice. First of all, tell your teacher that discussions are lame and that everyone should just take a long test to help go over the material you discussed. This will give you so much respect from your peers and your teacher. Second, you should tell your teacher that you think discussions are not a good idea, and instead you really want to recite the whole book, in front of the whole school. But that is not all; you will do it in a banana costume that is purple. You should also wear a moustache to look very distinguished, and finally you will get your hair buzzed by a monkey. This may not seem relevant to help you with your self confidence and fear of public speaking, but it will. This will make you so traumatized and embarrassed that you will never want to show your face at school. So, the next time you have a class discussion, speaking out loud in your regular clothes will not seem as bad. Thanks for your question, and remember: the next time you need advice, think “what would Mia do?”
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Question: Dear Mia,
I play on this team, but my coach never lets me play. However, I am actually really good at this sport. How should I confront my coach about this?
Answer: Dang, that is rough and something I am sure everyone has definitely experienced once in their life. But do not fret, I have the most perfect idea. First, you should play really bad, and act like you have never played the sport before. This will really show the coaches what they are missing out on. Then, always talk while the coach is talking, and never pay attention to them; this will show them that you are so cool, and that you don’t play by no one’s rules. You should always show up late, carrying McDonald’s into practice; this is a really good tactic to make them feel so jealous of your 10-piece nugget. The last thing you need to do is: when you play, do not wear your uniform at all; instead, do something so much better. Wear a long, exquisite dress that is hot pink and has glitter all over it, and to top it off pair this with a big and very sparkly crown. And, for the pièce de rèsistance, wear big pink goggles on your head. And that’s it! I hope you will use this advice as you continue, and remember: the next time you need advice, think what would Mia do?
